Not bad. Really it wasn't, there were a few grammatical errors here and there. Mostly I didn't find your style of writing very attractive, like the way that you write seems very formal and structured which isn't really my type of thing. I feel that when I write you become very relaxed and just write, you seemed like you were trying too hard if that makes any sense at all.
All in all I liked it. For a first short it was pretty good.
Thanks! I wrote it for an English project a bit back, which is probably why it seemed too... Structured? I aprreciate the comment, and I'll look forward into fixing stuff like that later.
This is a pretty good short story, if I do say so myself. The way it is written could use a little brushing up, but this was your first short story, so it's understandable. The plot was fine and went into a fair amount of detail, which is something I enjoyed about it. Anyway, it was a great first attempt and you should keep it up.
I'm glad you liked it. I'm suprised that it's being taken so positivley by you guys.
It also feels good to know my amount of detail put into it was noticed too.
Why the hell would your name be anything in binary? Binary is 1's and 0's. I doubt anyone has EVER asked you that and you are just attention whoring,
Both are true, fine sir.
I like you, definitely one of the best '08ers out there.
Well you're the best killing male youth that performs felatia I've ever seen <3
Hello Professional Chrome.
Are you ever going to fix the quote fail at ": Third time i've copy-pasted this whole thing... hopefully the last." ???
Cool story, broseidon