I'd like you guys to review it and critisise anything you find wrong with it.
I think I have a good start atleast? What all could I clean up; Aside from the repition of I?
Death's captive.Thanks, 111122223138 - aka pyro3138
: Third time i've copy-pasted this whole thing... hopefully the last.
Like I said, I'd greatly appreciate some of yen'z checkin it out and giving your opinion on it.